Weighing In Again... It Feels Good To Be Back!

I have been eating a diet of raw veggies like broccoli, cauliflower, baby carrots sliced green cabbage with some blue cabbage in there as well. I've been doing this since last week and eating as much as I care to eat for lunch and dinner. I am still sketchy about what to have for lunch, but I manage to put off eating in the morning. Many people jump on the idea that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and that you should eat five times a day and so forth and so on, and they insist that doing otherwise would "screw up" my metabolism. Well, I gotta tell ya -- weighing at a fabulous 400 pounds before I started this thing pretty much guaranteed me that my metabolism is screwed to begin with. I had the beginnings of diabetes, high cholesterol and high blood pressure to begin with. I had awful edema from my knees down to my ankles. Basically, if you don't know what it's like to weigh 400 pounds then I am not listening to you. And why should I? I have been eating all of my life, and on some level I am tired of it. I know all about obesity and I know how to stay sick by eating healthy. You see, you don't tell an alchoholic that it's alright to limit your alchohol consumption by two beers a day. Two beers or two glasses of wine is normal -- even healthy for you. Anyone who knows an alchoholic would certainly know that and alchoholic can't have two beers a day -- they can't have any alchohol whatsoever. Not even in thier aftershave or mouth wash. Little is truly known or understood about alchoholism, but as it is observed, one can compare telling an alchoholic to drink in moderation with putting out a candle by your bedside by pouring a warm cup of gasoline over it. It just creates a huge fire and of course, the candle would dissolve in the midst of it. So, as the story goes, you just can't tell me to eat like everybody else and then expect me to lose weight. First of all, you are operating under the assumption that I am 'just like everyone else' and I am not. I can probably do all the work it takes for me to 'eat rite' but I would probably have to quit my job or get fired because of the huge mental distraction it would cause me, and frankly I am too busy for it. Secondly, my primary concern is to shed pounds. Of course I like the added side effect of getting rid of diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol. I like going to the gym and getting healthier. But I have to tell you, there is nothing more frustrating than excersizing three to five times a week, eating healthy, feeling good and not losing weight -- week after week after week. I have had that experience for the last three months and it is frustrating. I'm in it too lose weight, and to keep it off. If I have to be a vegan for the rest of my life, then so be it. I am not doing this with the assumption that someday I am going to reward myself with a hamburger or a trip to the buffet. I may incorporate fresh fish into my diet some day seeing that I love to fish, but for now I have an extreme problem -- no different than the problem folks have when they end up getting thier stomache stapled. They get thier stomach stapled with the intent that thier meals will be reduced to the size of a tennis ball. Thier caloric intake is reduced to around six to eight hundred calories a day. They do it long enough to where thier bodies can tolerate moderate excersize and so forth and so on. I am no different than they are, and I would have had the surgery if I could afford it, but I cannot. That doesn't mean that I am not any different than they are. If I want to march up side by side with them I too would have to drasticly reduce my caloric intake. I also have an extreme problem.

I don't have what it takes to measure, cut, size and manage my food as if I were a diamond cutter in Antwerp. I just want to eat -- and I want to shed the pounds, and I want to put an end to the chronic depression, the diabetes, elevated cholesterol and so forth and so on. I am just not able to do it unless it is as simple a process as possible. It has to be as easy as using a drive thru. I want to go in the store, go to the produce section, find veggies that are organic, fresh, washed, cut, in the bag and ready to go. I want to go in the store and then get the hell out. That is all I want and nothing more. The cabbage, carrots, broccoli and cauliflower are already cut and ready to eat -- using this basic formula I can go ahead and modify it slightly from time to time. I can add or subtract things as they come on sale or are available. I started with a little cider vinegar and began to use lemon juice. Then I added an extra light fat free dressing and added a store brand hot sauce to it and it tastes great. When I anticipate a rough night at the gym I'll mix a bottle of soy protein to take afterwards. I have been drinking this Tropicana light lemonade and light orangeade and it is really satisfying. I have stumbled onto something here and I am going to run with it for as long as I can. I am not taking anyone's advice any more. I am going back to what worked in the beginning -- but only better this time. Before the month of March is over I hope to be back to where I was before my injury -- I was 308 pounds in the second week of November. I lost four months. Things have changed. The man I know is back again.

I want to live... no, seriously.

I have been away, and I have been trying to move heaven and earth to get back to the business of saving my life. But perhaps it's like heaven and earth trying to move me instead. I don't know. My obesity is a monster, and though I was making excellent progress, my arm surgery almost took me out completely. I gained twenty pounds after my arm surgery, and I had a hard time getting back into "the experiment".

I was deeply fearful that the lack of protein in my diet would restrict my healing process, but I did not bother to look more deeply into vegan options for more protein. Being in pain and being so full of anxiety from having my lifestyle taken away from me, I began to give up, rationalizing each infraction against my health as I descended the stair back down to that dark place. A place where I was incurably depressed, and treating that depression with food that had no regard for veganism. Yes, I was trying to eat healthy. Yes, I was trying not to stray too far from the life I had worked so hard to build. Looking back, I perceive that I could keep what I had at arms length. I did not realize that to some degree food was not all that different from alcohol, heroine or cocaine. If you are addicted to Genoa Salami, then you are addicted to Genoa Salami. But there is a catch. When I left the lifestyle, I started to feel worse -- not all of the sudden, not all at once. I had this depression, negativity, pitted adema, sore legs and the feeling of being weighed down with lead. Remember, I didn't gain all of my weight back. I had lost 80 pounds when I had my injury. At my worst I still had a fifty to sixty pound weight loss to be thankful for, but time was running out. I am eating vegan again, and I am sticking to what worked before, eating fresh vegetables that are msotly raw or blanched. I will use a soy protein based powder after my workout at the gym. I have been on this path again for the last week and already the results are amazing.

Thank you for reading. More to come.