Day 43... Talk to the hand.

Today I wrote down my Friday morning weight at 349.2 pounds. I hastily wrote down my new gains on my hand before rushing out to work. My new digital scale has proven to be a problem in that I can get varying measures of up to two pounds in either direction -- potentially a discrepancy of four pounds. Either way, I have developed a skill for getting the figures I need by getting three weights in a row to be identical. this is done by tapping on the scale with my toe to get a zero figure in the digital read out. Then, with my hand on the dresser just fifteen inches away to the right side of me, I step with my right foot first (resting my hand on the dresser for balance and so that I make sure I don't overwhelm the scale). I place that foot such that the furthest point on my big toe is almost touching the lower right hand corner of the digital read out. I do the same thing with the left foot on the opposite side of the scale, then I gently lift my hand away from the dresser and wait. The digital readout does it's thing and then gives me a number in increments of no less than .2 pounds. I step off the scale and wait for it to go back to reading 0.0 pounds, then I step on again in the same fashion, only perhaps a bit more quickly. There are times my weight reading is out of whack, and when you are averaging about three pounds of weight loss per week then that could be frustrating.

This morning I finally had three weights in a row that I can be proud of. But I had been sick and didn't rest well last night and immediately thought of celebrating my small victory with coffee and two sides of large hash rounds from Hardee's, but the drive thru was impossible and I came straight to work instead. I really didn't want to eat hash rounds or any fried potato product for that matter. But I had been sick the past few days and last night was no exception. Even though the coughing died down after doing TaeBo Kickboxing I went to bed with this stabbing pain in my neck. The pain was so great that even the slightest change of volume in my breath would wake me, and I had to get up and take three ibuprofen and a swig of tussin. Finally I was up around five thirty this morning and I had to let the dogs out. I wanted so bad to go to a buffet style breakfast and eat plate after plate of eggs, bacon, biscuits, sausage and what have you. Then I thought perhaps there is something in that breakfast bar that is vegan enough for me? Yesterday all I had was a plate of tofu cooked in a George Forman grill with roasted garlic, curly parsley, crushed red pepper and olive oil. It could stand some improvements, but was alright for the most part. I was sick and I wasn't very hungry, but all that changed this morning.

Looking back this morning I begin to realize why it is so important for me to blog this experience, as a means of holding myself accountable, but also as a way of grounding myself in the moment and the 'here and now' so that I may never lose sight of the fact that I am trying to save my life by changing my life. I've never gone to the gym six days a week for weeks on end -- never. I am coming on two months of daily participation in my gym as a student of every class that our fitness club has to offer. I've never done anything this consistent before, and I can see what journaling, blogging and doing it with therapy or in a support group is so crucial. Without it I have no defense against the first hash round, and it's the first hash round that gets you fat.